Pokémon Movie 12 – Arceus and the Jewel of Life Review

Yes that’s right, being 14.54 years old I am still watching and playing Pokémon (the games btw), which might be the reason I the pseudonym “Nyarth” on the net. But anyways watched the 12th Pokémon movie (unfortunately, English dubbed and ripped off Cartoon Network) a few days ago and I might as well make a review to waste some of my time.

At first, I was quite surprised that they aired the English dubbed movie on Cartoon Network in the US in November this year, just several months later from the theatrical release in Japan, when I had expected this to be released some time early next year. Guess the voice recording studio had rushed their schedule..

Being the finale to the Diamond and Pearl Movie Time and Space Trilogy thing, this movie has to be 99.99999…percent epic right? Well… in my opinion the plot seem too linear.

What happens in this movie…well Ash (or Satoshi…) and his underlings travel to Michina Town to relax and stuff (with the town’s environment based off settings off of various locations in Greece). They run into a pair of underaged twins after finding a horde of watermelons flowing down the river and claiming it theirs. They decide to have a double battle for the watermelons -cue the gay english opening theme here and the fairly decent opening credits-, and in the end Ash and Dawn (or Hikari…) obviously win and even more obvious… they ALL get to eat the watermelons…wow.

Later, the trio come across some random lake only to witness Dialga and Palkia from the 10th movie and Giratina from the 11th taking it up the chuff. But then another set of siblings known as Kevin and Sheena had to just step into the scene and stop the mass orgy, oh and by the way they both seem to have exorcism powers of some kind which enables them to TALK to Pokémon. TALK. Surely this has been used over and over. Sheesh…

SURPRISE BUTT SECKS!
SURPRISE BUTT SECKS! Oops.

They then proceed to talk and stuff and before they knew it, Arceus, the expected star of the movie appears and just destroys the crap out of the place saying that he’s taking revenge for what happens millions and millions of years ago (lolwut?).

They all take shelter from the mess and Ash the other two are lectured about what the heck is going on the meaning behind this movie trilogy.

A “brief” explanation of what the bloody hell is going on…

You see, outside the universe, there are many different dimensions and portals where legendary Pokémon lurk apparently.

The Dimension of Time, ruled by Dialga, and, the Dimension of Space, ruled by Palkia. These two dimensions are to never conflict and collide, that is, in the 10th movie they did for some lame reason, meaning Dialga and Palkia had fought it out in a showdown in Alamos Town thinking that one another in invading their territory (wow).

Darkrai, seemingly a Pokémon that is the mascot in Alamos town and the whole 10th movie, decided to sacrifice itself to stop the madness (300 much?), and in the end the fight between Dialga and Palkia was settled for the price of Darkrai’s life (NUOOO). That’s like… the 5th Pokémon that’s actually dead? Well not really, ‘cuz at the end they had to just spoil it for us all and revive Darkrai, standing on the pier acting all high and mighty (so much for my celebration I had planned afterwords).

Now the Distortion World (11th movie btw), where everything us wacked up and a mess, is where Giratina lurks. Giratina gets provoked by all the vibrations, waves and disruptions or whatever you call it  Dialga and Palkia had caused due to the fight in the previous movie and decides to put on its rage face, dragging the legendary Pokémon Shaymin into this as well as the sub-mascot of this movie. Being the main plot for the 11th movie, Ash and his happy tree friends go to this seaside park and have fun not forgetting a picnic (WOOW!).

Only to find an abandoned Shaymin covered in thick soot and soon after decide to take him or her home to some special flower field. What’s unique about this 11th movie from the 10th and 12th is that there’s an actual- human– ANTAGONIST!!! OMMG INORITE1?? Known as Zero, seeking out to capture Giratina for his own evil purposes and so forth. Ash, Dawn and this geezer scientist travel to the distortion world (Brock doesn’t btw, ‘cuz he’s not special ;D), where everything is fukked up and can anything you want (as demonstrated in Platinum). Some action and hardcore battling here and whaddya know? In the end everything is resolved! Shaymin is brought to the Flower Garden, where it transforms into Sky forme and flies into the sky with the rest of it’s pack, waving Ash and friends goodbye… Giratina’s rage has been obliterated and peacefully returned to the distortion world yaay… Zero’s plan foiled and now spending several years in prison, who actually turns out to be the geezer scientist’s ex-assistant and now in good terms. Happy ending I must say (aww)… Note that also Dialga makes several appearances in the movie, not Palkia.

Now into the present,

It is now revealed that Arceus, in its own lonely dimension, has been the catalyst all along from the start of this trilogy, causing vibrations, waves an hindrances that made Dialga and Palkia’s dimensions to conflict (like how a single nudge of the moon can send it flying off from orbiting the Earth), leading to disturbing to Giratina’s endless eternal sleep, fun and frolic in the Distortion world, all was the flamin’ Arceus’ fault and you know why?

ALL BECAUSE OF SOME RANDOM DUDE FROM MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO BETRAYED, DIDN’T GIVE BACK SOME BALL AND SHOCKED (no kidding) THE CRAP OUT HIM.

You want this yes?
Sorry, you did not say please ;D

Honestly how revenge and vengeance can guide you to do stupid and money-consuming things….heh heh

So to solve everything Dialga sends Ash, Brock, Dawn and Sheena back into the past (CUZ HE CONTROLS TIME MUTHERFUKKER!!!) to settle things with the dude who betrayed Arceus, who happens to be Sheena’s great or whatever grandfather.

Wow from the crazy Pokémon Battling and rap rock n roll music we now head down the “Back to the Future” route and the Time Paradoxes whoop-de-doo. The ridiculousness in Pokémon never seems to fail me apparently.

Back into the past (Roman times?) it is there revealed that Sheena’s great-grandfather didn’t intend to betray Arceus and intended to give back the Jewel of Life (which Arceus gave to him to bring life once more to some random desolated wasteland) when the day Arceus returns and was actually MIND-CONTROLLED, you heard me, by some other guy in leather and revealing clothing who wants the Jewel for himself! Tee–pee–cawll…..

The special notch-eared Pichu, the “kinda” mascot for the movie, appears in the past to actually be Sheena’s great grandfather’s “pal”. Much like Ash and Pikachu perhaps?

Poor notch eared Pichu who had barely any screentime in this movie.

Of course, insert all the plot twists, action, explosions, climaxes and anti-climaxes here, history was officially changed. Arceus, who originally was meant to be betrayed and electrocuted in the past is now abolished as Ash and pals just had change history and gave the Jewel of Life back to Arceus after getting it out of the bad guy’s greasy hands. Back into the present Arceus was still on a rampage, only until where he see Ash and the rest, remembering what “seemed” to have happened in the past, Arceus apologised for all what he’s done, restored to what the place originally was with his magical powers and warped back to his own dimension. Happy ending to all!

And the moral to this movie trilogy is that if there’s a problem in your life, go ask Dialga to send you back in time to fix it! Or otherwise Time Paradox FTW!!!

As with any other feature-length Pokémon film, integrated 3D graphics are a must.

Wait a minute here…

Reference? (HAHAHAZ!!)

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It Arceus performing Super Saiyan! (kidding)
Wait, aren't they siblings? o_O Brock doesn't like this one bit...

If there is one thing I’d say about the movie, it’s that who in the Hellmans Mayonnaise took the role of Arceus in the English dub!? Seriously he sounds like an old geezer instead of some legendary mystical Pokémon for what he should have been. Plus, kinda of a detour but err, anybody see some sort of resemblance of the plot in this movie and the game Sonic the Hedgehog 2006? Just realised.

Now that they just blatantly changed the past thereby changing the future, does that mean what has happened in the 10th and 11th movies doesn’t exist anymore? Tough question there…

Well all in all really, a “little above average” movie I suppose. And what I mean by that is that the characters are the same old, nothing new… The movie character exclusives seems to not had enough screentime for the audience to grasp their personalities… Clichéd and linear storyline and most certainly an obvious ending. But what I’m saying is that there’s virtually not much anything new to the movie excluding all the new Pokémon and characters, but the plot itself. I mean sure, this movie has some mild violence and what the raters say “peril”, but looking at Destiny Deoxys, AntJoT just got killed off. I could go on, but nah…

OVERALL RATING: 6.3/10

Nice addition added to the Pokémon Movie collection but the movie itself seems to have deteriorated over time. Great watch for veteran Pokémon fans, not very much sure about newcomers, as they’ll have to watch the 10th and 11th movie first to fully understand what the heck is going in the 12th.

Ash, Dawn, Brock, Sheena and her great-grandfather, coming to the pages of a fictional Pokémon History textbook near you!

4 thoughts on “Pokémon Movie 12 – Arceus and the Jewel of Life Review

  1. apu28 December 25, 2010 / 00:38

    You are such a sad character…. I feel like laughing at how you desperately try to make yourself sound funny in this review (which you don’t, by the way), and in the process you completely missed the whole point on this page. Get a life.

    • Nyarth December 25, 2010 / 01:40

      >commenting on a blogpost thats a year old

      >implying i am trying to be funny

      >pretentious faggot

      And no one gives a fuck dude.

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